Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
