Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
