We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
