"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
