Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize