In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
