well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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