This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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