i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
