My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
