Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
