Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
