Duck Duck Cougar?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
