i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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