break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
