I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
