In the future we'll all be gay
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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