guys are only as good as the porn they watch
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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