True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
