Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
