Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
