I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
