Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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