the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
