You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
