Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
