I think I am morally bankrupt
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
