I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
