I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
