There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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