new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize