Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
