The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
