i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
