My room smells like vodka and shame
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
