If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
