I just cut my nipple shaving
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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