dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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