I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
