I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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