My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
