Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
