what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Randomize
