I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
