you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
