over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
