i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
