I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
