Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
