Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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