Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
