Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
