i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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