Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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