I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
