3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
