you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
