u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
