Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
