I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is Oprah even human
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
