I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize