You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
