it wasn't lemon gatorade
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
