Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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